French Benefits

“You know you are in trouble when your rabbit hole goes no deeper than a Gucci bag and a pair of Louboutins”- Laughter is a Smile Set to Music.

Growing up we ate Napoleon ice cream, didn’t want to get ammonia and enjoyed French benefits. Eventually we learned that we were eating Neapolitan ice cream and people died of pneumonia but let’s stop right there. Fringe benefits, really. Everybody knows that some really good stuff comes out of France. French fries, French toast…French kisses. Yes! French benefits it is, provided you maintain the innocence of the term.

The other day I met a young lady who tried to sell me a used Ferragamo purse. I told her that I had more bags than I needed already. I explained  that most of them were gifts. At that time she asked me how did you get men to give you those bags. I explained to her that they were men who liked to shop. That is who they were when I met them. I didn’t get them to do anything. Given the nature of  the meeting. I quickly changed the subject to the matter at hand but the topic haunted me for days to come. I couldn’t shake the image of so many women I knew allowing material gifts to shape and define their relationships with men. I reflected on my running buddy in college. We both enjoyed the company of smart progressive men. I also remember her teaching me about the value and prestige of the Louis Vuitton purse. One day we visited the home of an ex boyfriend of hers. It was clear that for him, the thrill was gone. Later that week she showed up at my door at 2am teary eyed because he was going to marry someone else. In the midst of our commiseration she said, “Well at least I got the Louis bag out of the deal” I examined the bag and let me tell you what, it looked like she had been sleeping with the bag. She began to teach me about the prestige  of the $500 purse and the guarantee that came with it. I wasn’t really understanding nor did I really care about the purse as much as I was concerned about her broken heart. During the term of our relationship she schooled me about getting what you want out of men. The difference between the two of us is that men often described her as being “Pretty as a day is long”. This is not how a man had ever described me. (And I’ve never been paid in gum either.) She often reminded me that I did not deserve to date the men I dated because of my looks. Interestingly enough she often wanted to date the men who I dated, and did, but I digress. Strangely enough I never forgot what she taught me about  Louis Vuitton.

The more I thought about the brief conversation I had with the young lady I wondered if I was really hip to the relationship/dating game. The men I have dated range from carpenter to doctor. Surprisingly the two with the greatest income I initially had no attraction to or interest in at all. It was not until we had an opportunity to “conversate” did I realize that we shared several things in common, and there was enough contrast to keep it interesting. In retrospect I never met someone wondering what he was going to buy for me. I was always looking for the mental, spiritual and I ain’t gon lie, physical, attraction and connection. I spend my time wondering if he would go to church with me. Am I the type of woman he would introduce to his mother? Can I talk to him about ANYTHING. Are our rainbows in the same direction? Will he  encourage and support me when the chips are down? And would I do the same for him on all counts. Recently I read a book entitled The Conversation. In the book Hill Harper discusses meeting a woman who he later falls in love with. However, his initial response to the womans interest was “What does she want from me?” I appreciated his vulnerability in sharing his insecurities when meeting a smart beautiful woman. I kept asking myself “What do you mean, what does she want from you?” On many occasions I have had to come to terms with my naive nature.  Friends have had to pull my coat-tail and let me know what a person’s intentions really were. To date the signs really have to be overt for me to suspect any malicious intent because I don’t go into relationships looking for it. Otherwise why even bother being around people.  I have to remind myself daily that people are not going to do things the way I would do them. (I know it sounds really silly. It is true but silly nonetheless)

When I look back on my past relationships I am thinking about the times we laughed, places we went, the dreams we shared, and the lessons I learned. When I look at those material gifts it triggers those memories and that is what lifts me. The gifts bring me little to no comfort in their absence. Don’t get me wrong the French benefits are nice, but a relationship they do not make. Anytime you go into a relationship thinking more about what you are going to get than give, the trip is always going to be a bust. Material gifts are not an indication of how long your relationship will last or the degree of a persons affection for you. For arguments sake lets say that he loses all of his material possessions for whatever reason. Setting aside domestic violence or other deal breaker problems, would you leave this person you professed to love? Whatever was lost you can rebuild together. What you want is inside of him. Everything else is just a “French Benefit”. He is not “in the bag”. As a matter of fact there is nothing in the bag other than what you put in it.

I recently spent time with an old friend. I told them how I really enjoyed the French benefits but it was them who really mattered rich or poor. And we immediately started word battling and grinning at each other improving the rhyme each go round just like old times. I told another friend about my old friend and how it is important to let a person know how you feel like I told my friend what mattered to me. My friend said…”Don’t you think he already knows that about you?”

I Am Still Breathing

Tic toc tic toc swings the pendulum. Time, like true love is something of which you can never have too much. Surely there have been times when you have seen someone who has done or is doing something that makes you say, ” That person had/has too much time on their hands.” On the other hand everyone has the right to do whatever they care to with their time. The caveat is looking back and wishing that the time had been used on something that  yielded a greater bounty.  On September 2, 2011, I made a decision to read a book titled The Wealth Cure  Putting Money in its Place, written by Hill Harper. Mind you, my house needed to be cleaned, I was way behind schedule on writing my own book, and I had other personal business to take care of. When I tell you the past three weeks have been time well spent, in between work, taking care of a household emergency, the dog, and sleep I was reading TWC (The Wealth Cure).

The book is proof that so many of us are more alike than different. I saw my life, as well as stories similar to mine, but not so much, and the lives of acquaintances and loved ones scattered throughout his pages. Damn! I even started singing Roberta Flack, I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud…Killing me softly with his song. Some things  wonderfully good, some regrettably bad, some ugly paintings of  fears and misunderstanding splattered on heavy stock, ecru, paper. I was behind on my book because I was stuck. The stories locked in my head longing to rest between pages and be shared.  So many brilliant strokes offered by the universe left aimlessly drifting without an anchor. An acquaintance recently accused me of procrastinating. I said, ” Hey! This has to be just right. We tryna save lives here! ” To a certain extent he was right. I was so afraid of not writing the book in a way that would accomplish the aforementioned desire that I froze. What if I forget to say something important that can save a life? What if I can’t find a publisher? What if I have to publish it myself  and or can’t get the desired circulation?  No doubt a feast fit for a deadly venomous fear feeding wolf. The Wealth Cure helped to release that ridiculous fear. I call it ridiculous because I know that the book is being written in honor of those I love, and those I may never meet but want to live a life filled with joy and good health. It was ludicrous because I know that the universe is going to open itself up to my needs and desires. And stupid because if you are still reading this you know I write well.  Slowly I felt the veil being lifted and I was inspired to resume my mission.

People have been asking me what I thought about TWC. Understand  that you must read TWC for yourself. I affectionately refer to TWC as The WHealth Cure , defining wealth, defining health and the intersection thereof. I thought that I would read the book over labor day weekend but the journey was so interesting I took time to research many of Hill’s sights and thoughts. I even saw He Got Game for the first time. Cute Boogie! I found myself including Mr. Harper in my prayers. Praying that God keep him keep him healthy as he moves forward on this journey towards unreasonable happiness. I pray that he be enriched as he has enriched others. By the way, am I the only one who hears his voice as the narrator of the book? Now I know what Second Line Dancing is.  I absolutely love his friend Tracy and pray the best for her. I have changed the way I think about and respect money. And, I will make time to take a train ride somewhere as my mother encouraged me to do for nine years before she died. Maybe I’ll take a ride to New Orleans. Believe it or not I’ve never been. Do trains go to N’Olans?

I am still breathing. In 2006 I had the rare and wonderful and opportunity to work with Sammy Mc Kenney. At that time he was writing a song for Jennifer Hudson. He has also written songs for Patty Labelle, Chaka Kahn and Anita Baker among others.  We got the song finalized and we were undergoing the arduous task of shopping it. It was difficult. One day I asked Sammy, “Do you think that I am too old for this. Do you think that I can still be successful?” Sammy asked me, “Are you still breathing?” Sammy and I spoke regularly exchanging calls until one day, he didn’t answer my calls. I asked my cousin about him. My cousin said, ” You didn’t hear? Sammy died months ago.” Are you still breathing was the last conversation I had with Sammy. Sammy remains on my board of advisors as he left me with everlasting wisdom. Understand that no matter where you have been or what you have been through your future is spotless. Right now today you can choose to shift the paradigm on your health habits, finances and relationships.  TWC helped me to  realize that you can’t really get to know someone or accomplish a goal by standing on the sidelines as a silent observer and listening to hearsay. Assumptions are NOT your friend.

As I reflected on the stories it came to me that The Wealth Cure is like sitting outside on a balmy Colorado night with a good friend, talking and gazing at the stars. If you have ever been to Colorado, especially Colorado Springs you know how beautiful the stars shine there, especially in the winter.  That friend reminds you of who you were, whose you are, and who you can and are going be. They forgive your faults, support your dreams and share what they have learned, thereby enriching your life. Illuminating a rainbow after the storm by day and mark the North Star by night. How can you not realize how FABULOUS you are and how you deserve to be UNREASONABLY, UNREASONABLY, UNREASONABLY HAPPY!!! Unreasonably happy not only because they said so, but because God promised it.

Pure Intentions Imbue Beautiful Vibrations

One morning at work I dropped off some paperwork at the office across the hall. On the way back to my office a temp who I had become acquainted with said that she wanted to do some leisure reading and asked me to suggest some good books as I was always talking about a book I was reading. I had recently purchased, The Audacity of Hope, Dreams from My Father, The Law of Attraction and The Power of Now, all of which I highly recommend. She was already familiar with the first two books written by Barack Obama, but not so much regarding the latter.

The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle and  The Law of Attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks both address how people, things and situations manifest in our lives according to how we think and feel about them. When I explained this the temp looked at me like the RCA dog.  In a hurry to get back to my office I explained the vision board as illustrated in The Secret where a person will paste photos of the things they would like to achieve or acquire in their lives on a board. Keeping this board in a place where a person will see it often will serve as a reminder to focus and maintain a positive attitude toward those desires coming to fruition. And the RCA dog tilts its head to the other side. I had to return to my desk and I told her that I would call her later.  Just before turning the corner,  I explained to her that I had seen Will Smith explain the same philosophy and how it can be applied to everyday life. He referred to a book called The Alchemist. The temp asked what that book was about and I told her,”I don’t remember all of the details. You Tube it!” as I had to get back to my desk.

I was introduced to The Alchemist one night when I was working on a book I hope to have completed November 2011. Anyway. I’m working with the television on because that’s how I work. I look up and the characters of the sci-fi movie who begin discussing the need to go see the Alchemist. I was so intrigued by the description thought that I could use the concept in my book.  I immediately googled  The Alchemist. Just now I tried to recreate the moment and failed. However, on that night the first thing that popped up was a YouTube video with Will Smith discussing the Alchemist with Tavis Smiley. Eureka!  I had never seen anyone explain the philosophies of the books that I just mentioned and others as well or as concisely as Mr. Smith. Will gives the example of the book “The Alchemist” which tells the story of a young man on a journey. In the book the Alchemist can  take something ordinary, in this case, lead, and turn it into something rich and valuable such as gold. And Will is right, to go into detail about “the practice” thereof is extremely esoteric to say the very least. Which is how this part of my journey took place, trying to explain… www.youtube.com/watch?v=-A0LDp0e9X4    and  The Alchemist   www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuBmkEuxLd4

At this time many things that I have managed to manifest in my life are under reconstruction. First of all, the first time we do anything there is a good chance we may not see exactly what we set out to get. Second of all , every option that comes your way may not be something manifested by you. For example. I have been working on my kitchen for quite some time now for financial reasons. A guy friend asked. So how is your kitchen coming along. I informed him that it remains a pending situation. He asked, so why don’t you get one of those guys who likes you to pay for your kitchen and then when it’s done you say, “You know, I don’t think we are going to work out.” The thought of this spurred hysterical laughter. If anyone ever hurt any of my three brothers, I would stomp them into the ground.  I would not dare be a hypocrite and do the same to someone elses child. Wow!  What kind of karma would that set into motion.

Last week I stood in line behind  a young lady in line at the grocery store. She stacked about 20 coupons. I said to her, “You are a woman after my own heart. I am a coupon freak” The woman (whose name I never received) shared that she had recently been laid off from her job as an accountant and needed very much to budget. We met each other again in the parking lot where she thanked me for the encouragement I provided in the store. I gave her the name of a website Cornell@partnersforselfemployment.com . A gentleman who is dedicating his time and talent to providing training and job placement in South Florida. The woman said that she would be happy however God wants to bless her. I explained that the universe and everything in it belongs to God and she can ask God for anything. The following is a more familiar reference to this philosophy  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” A story board can be used as a tool for Philippians 4:6-7. Nothing is new. All things are just waiting to be rediscovered by any and all who believe.

I started a Twitter account because some cat by the name of Hill Harper asked that the people from Facebook follow him on Twitter as well. Mr. Harper wrote, Letters to a Young Brother, Letters to a Young Sister, The Conversation, his is latest  The Wealth Cure scheduled to be released  August 23, 2011. I have read the first two books which provide wonderful advice and motivation that serve as tools enriching the lives of young men and women. Lessons that enhance and elevate a person’s ability to achieve…well, the sky’s the limit, worth gold, if you will.  On January 29, 2011  this was tweeted ” Hill Young black men are writing powerful letters to their peers! Inspired by your book at the #PaulRobesonInstitute”

Pure intentions imbue beautiful vibrations like ripples on a pond. Prolific cognition, an alchemist’s work comes to fruition and leaves in its wake an eternal bond.

Someones life is touched and they reach and touch your life in a positive way, you then reach out to touch another’s life and the act is perpetuated. This is how we all can become an alchemist. We are all linked together, more alike than we will ever be different. There is no journey where flowers should go unnoticed, challenges unconquered, love not found, or gold and dreams within unrealized. If any riches you acquire, remain unshared, it is an endeavor void of purpose. The survival of humanity depends on us depending on each other. No one  ever made it anywhere without the help of someone.

You don’t have to write a book like Mr. Harper. You don’t have to become a minister like Rev. Run or a music mogul like his brother Russell Simmons. Nor do you have to share your citizenship between American and African nations like Isiah Washington. Look inside yourself and realize that you have a treasure that is waiting to be realized and shared. It is there because God is there.  Understand that this world, this universe, is here to provide you with all that is good. All you have to do is seek it and ask with thanksgiving. When we ask with thanksgiving we are asking with faith and expecting that our desires, with work, will come to into existence. I have never used a vision board but I have learned many lessons on this journey to discover how to be and remain happy. Many of my dreams have been realized and many more are in the process of coming to fruition. If our paths never cross again allow me to leave you with some of my truths.

1. Be grateful and acknowledge God in all things.

2. Share. Be an alchemist every chance you get.

3. Be humble and modest. Don’t always share how someone has blessed you. People can be jealous and soon bestow you with the nickname Pookie. There is a difference between begging and accepting a blessing offered to you by another. Some things need to remain between the two of you.

4. Remain focused no matter what. If you stop to beat every dog that barks you will never get anything done. The closer you come to your breakthrough the more they are going to bark. Stay focused on your goal.

5. Nothing from nothing leaves nothing. Sometimes it is best not to respond. Allow God to fight your battles. Especially if the person has been led astray/misinformed.

6. Do your best to be kind no matter what. You never change a dishonorable situation by adding more dishonor.

7. Keep your ears and your heart open. The only thing better than an understanding is a better understanding.

8. Study and understand Corinthians 13 so that when love comes, and it is going to come, you will recognize it.

This my first blog. Please respond with comments and questions. Please join me in reading the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and post your thoughts. It has been a pleasure to share this with you and I hope that it has provided you with something that will enrich your life on this journey. Most of all remember to laugh. If ever a day passes that you don’t laugh I hope it is because you have moved to another plane of existence.  I pray that you find joy there.

Months later the temp was offered a permanent position with the agency.  The RCA dog has left the building.