I watched a link posted on facebook suggesting that black women should apologize to the black man for his current condition. I do think that women should explore how we love ourselves. That in turn will manifest what is projected onto not only BLACK MEN, but everyone. We have got to get away from what the slave master did to us almost 200 years ago. This is not to say that racism does not exist. Recent events that have occurred in the White House can speak to this fact. But we must do our best to remove the power of racism from our lives. If our parents are not responsible for how we are now, then the slave master sure isn’t responsible either. I hear black men say that they can’t be monogamous because the slave master used to take him away from his family and he had to take up with another woman when he was sold to another slave master. Slavery was abolished in 1865.
Relationships are a case by case basis. It is PARAMOUNT that we treat each other with love, kindness, and respect. And apologies should be administered accordingly. Have I had some relationships where I made some mistakes? Yes. Have I been in some relationships where I have been mistreated? Yes. However I don’t think that this means that I owe black men an apology in general. There most definitely is quite a bit of conversation and healing that needs to take place as it relates to black love. And come to think of it maybe that young ladies actions do require an apology to black men. But she is calling for an apology from all black women. She can only be responsible for and answer to her own actions. Black women in general do not owe black men an apology for their pain. We are not responsible for the choices they and their parents made as they were being raised, or the disparity in their education. To be honest, I did want for “my man” to have a college degree until I started meeting men who were legally bringing home the hogs head without one. In this way I have changed. In this day and age the only power Willie Lynch has over us is what we perceive it to have. My ex Bo and I used to have a saying. I trust you until you give me a reason not to. This was just our nature. And while it is often to a fault, it is still my nature.
Confession: I spoke to my girlfriend who is a Marriage and Family Therapist after some black men who I had known for some time, who had only dated black women, took up with non-black women of late. At that time she was divorced from her husband of over 20 years. I said maybe we as black women need to explore what other women are doing. She became annoyed and quoted For Colored Girls “Ever since I realized there was someone called a colored girl, or an evil woman, a bitch, or a nag, I’ve been trying not to be that, and leave bitterness in someone else’s cup.” I explained that it is not about us separating from who we are…it’s about finding our center of love so that we can be loved. Why do sooo many black men seem to be gravitating to women other than us? I think that is worthy of at least looking into. The next time I saw her she was reunited with her husband. I said, “So you went and got your man back!”
THIS IS MY TRUTH. I love black men. There is nothing like them on earth. I find them to be the most beautiful, the most sensitive, caring, generous and intelligent beings on the face of the earth. I have also found that they can be the antisathis of these characteristics as well. If I find that a friend and or potential lover has sincerely suffered some slings and arrows I will do the best I can to help them heal those wounds. I will hold them, lend an ear, a shoulder, advice and elbow grease if needed. However the main responsibility of that healing is theirs. As a woman there is no way that I can truly understand what it is like to be them. I can only support them on their journey.
I will say this to all black men. I LOVE YOU. I AM PRAYING FOR YOUR PEACE, HEALING AND YOUR SUCCESS IN ALL THINGS GOOD, AND HOPED FOR. GOD SPEED.